Saturday, April 23, 2011

Reframing Our Point of View - Changing Our GPS Location

Have you ever noticed that we can get stuck in our present point of view?  We can take a position and then try to communicate from that location.  Just as when we use GPS, our starting position determines the available routes to our destination.

In highly charged discussions, it can be profound to assess our current location.  Before we employ those valuable tips in Crucial Conversatons, I have noticed that is it critical to understand the starting point.

For example, with managers who have 'had it' with a team member, or with associates who want to 'tell' their manager that s/he needs to grant a request because others get that treatment (or similar scenarios where the starting point has emotion, conditions, and 'shoulds' attached) - I like to move the starting point back, way back.

Can the manager or the associate recount times when the relationship was positive, full of posibility and collaboration?  Can the manager or the associate remember when were they worked well together?  It may be going back to when s/he joined the company, moved into a new role, worked on a complex project - focus on finding a time when the atmosphere was infused with collaboration, imagination, and positive expectation.

This pause to reframe to a more positive time often helps us look at the desired outcome as a conversation rather than an ultimatum.  With that new coordinate as our GPS starting point, it seems that we can imagine options, possibilities, and alternatives. 

Asking people to desribe that positive time often helps put the present situation into a different light. And, with that new context there is frequently a change in tone, in expression, and in ways to open the conversation. 

Changing our starting point coordinates doesn't necessarily change the destination, it just makes the trip much more enjoyable.