Reframing Our Point of View - Changing Our GPS Location

Have you ever noticed that we can get stuck in our present point of view?  We can take a position and then try to communicate from that location.  Just as when we use GPS, our starting position determines the available routes to our destination.

In highly charged discussions, it can be profound to assess our current location.  Before we employ those valuable tips in Crucial Conversatons, I have noticed that is it critical to understand the starting point.

For example, with managers who have 'had it' with a team member, or with associates who want to 'tell' their manager that s/he needs to grant a request because others get that treatment (or similar scenarios where the starting point has emotion, conditions, and 'shoulds' attached) - I like to move the starting point back, way back.

Can the manager or the associate recount times when the relationship was positive, full of posibility and collaboration?  Can the manager or the associate remember when were they worked well together?  It may be going back to when s/he joined the company, moved into a new role, worked on a complex project - focus on finding a time when the atmosphere was infused with collaboration, imagination, and positive expectation.

This pause to reframe to a more positive time often helps us look at the desired outcome as a conversation rather than an ultimatum.  With that new coordinate as our GPS starting point, it seems that we can imagine options, possibilities, and alternatives. 

Asking people to desribe that positive time often helps put the present situation into a different light. And, with that new context there is frequently a change in tone, in expression, and in ways to open the conversation. 

Changing our starting point coordinates doesn't necessarily change the destination, it just makes the trip much more enjoyable.

(The Sacred Parentheses)

(it happens here)

In writing, we are taught to use a parenthesis to signal "an amplifying or explanatory word or phrase".

In verbal communications, I think of parentheses conversations as ones that don't just amplify or explain the sender's meaning, but as rare instances of profound connection.  It is as if talking within the parentheses allows us to step out of time, push the pause button and be with another person.

In these prized and reveletory moments, we share so much about ourselves:

• 
  
  how we feel about the situation without facade or pretense
• 
  
  additional background about our life experiences that  exposes our position, reaction, confusion, fear or doubt
• 
  
  how this topic connects to another event, situation, belief, person and impacts our stance in a deep way
• 
  
  what we are struggling with, where we are vulnerable, where we are stuck 

Inside the sacred space of the parentheses, you can step away from everthing that clamors for your time, energy, mindshare... and connect...and reflect...and learn. 

When you have this connection with someone, it is special.  And, both of you know it.  It is a powerful gift.  I have experienced these moments with trusted friends, family, colleagues, mentors, and clients.  And, sometimes with new acquaintances.   

What an extraordinary gift! 

Priceless - literally and figuratively.

Questions to ponder:

• When do these conversational parentheses occur?
• Why are they so illuminating?
• What have you learned from them?

Energizing Meeting - Part 1

"Presence is a state of awareness, in the moment, characterized by the felt experience of timelessness, connectedness, and a larger truth" - Doug Silsbee

How often are we truly present with our coworkers, customers, managers, team? 

Being present with others is a gift. When we listen without thinking of other things, we can be an observer - of ourselves, our racing thoughts, our assumptions, our distractions - dispel the intervening thoughts and be in the moment. 

And, we can be a better observer of the other person - gaining a clearer context of his/her point of view, assumptions, values, questions. 

Our focus is sharper, our questions more insightful, our partnership much stronger. 

Doug spoke at a conference I attended recently.  He invited us to be present.  And, it has been on my mind - a lot! 

Think of what a gift being present is to ourselves and others.  It is going to take more practice for me to 'be' rather than to 'do'. However, it is a gift to be present.

Communication with Courage and Conviction

What sets great leaders apart? In surveys where employees describe what they value most about their managers, there are common ingredients. Satisfied employees indicate that they:

• know what is expected of them
• know how they are doing
• can talk with their manager
• have a development plan
• feel appreciated
• have an opportunity to use their skills/talents on the job
• know how their job fits in to the organization's strategy

All of these ingredients require that the leader communicate clearly with each team member. And that s/he does so frequently.

To do so requires courage and conviction.

And that is the next installment...stay tuned