What Does It Take To Quell Your Inner Committee?

All of us have self-doubt and times when we question our expertise, abilities and/or ideas. Unfortunately, we get some help with our self-doubt - we have our own, internal saboteurs. Some people call this negative self-talk, others refer to their negative inner committee. By any name, this is the nagging voice that asks deflating questions or makes bold, destructive comments as if they were fact:

• what makes you think you can handle this new assignment
• you could have done that project better...faster
• you never where good at math...or public speaking...or strategy or.....
• why should they listen to you...or follow you...or make this change...or...

When we are at our best, we can quell these comments. We balance the negative with an examination of what we do well, triumphs we have had, postive feedback from others and possibility thinking

• reminding ourselves we like a challenge and that we are adept at figuring things out...or skilled at finding others who have more experience to help us
• analyzing our past work and if we find an aspect that could have been better, we look for ways to learn new skills and take action
• engaging colleagues whose skills complement our development areas...or finding a mentor or coach to help us navigate...or learning more about the area
• recalling a time when we have invigorated others...or successfully implemented change

So, what happens when we aren't at our best? When we are in the doldrums? When our world has been thrown out of balance? When we have been laid off? When we don't think we can...? When the inner committee is working overtime adding more layers to our mounting doubt?

More thoughts to follow, in the meantime -- what has worked for you when times were tough?

Trusted Advisors Abound - Who Do You Turn To???

Who gives you feedback?
Whose feedback do you treasure - or, at least value because you know it is relevant, important and needed for you to grow?

Often leaders list their manager as the initial reaction to the first question, and pause to reflect on the second. Certainly, performance feedback is a manager's responsibility. And, the manager's perspective carries weight given the impact - salary, promotion, project assignment, etc.

However, have you considered who else can give you additional insights? Who sees you in action and knows your impact?
Who shares your vision and has the courage and conviction to help you see what is working well and what could be modified?

Starting with those who share your vision is a great way to encourage balanced feedback. Asking for feedback from their perspective on what is working well - and should be continued; what is not working well - and could be modified or stopped. Then listening all the way through without interruption can lead to valuable insights that you often can't have from where you stand. Asking clarifying questions to ensure that you see what they see? Powerful.

Who could you ask today?

Communication with Conviction

All of us have examples of times when we have received excellent and positive feedback from others. Those are wonderful memories.

However, when we experience truly effective constructive feedback - it can be even more memorable and have substantive impact on our learning and success.

What sets effective constructive feedback apart?

As we discussed last time there is an element of courage involved - where the person has clearly thought it through. S/he has facts; s/he has a position; s/he listens; s/he engages you.

But perhaps the most important ingredient is the person's conviction. S/he is invested in this conversation. S/he has set aside enough time to stay on topic and approaches the meeting as an investment. An investment in your future and your relationship. While the news may not be what you want to hear; it is delivered with compassion and curiosity. There is a genuine interest in discussion, dialogue and a firm commitment to a defined conclusion.

That conclusion has several important ingredients:

• what has occurred
• what needs to occur in the future
• why is this important to both of you and to others - to the organization, peers, customers, etc.
• what will you both agree to do going forward
• what support and direction do you need
• what are the consequences - when sustained change does or does not occur
• what does success look like
• when will we review progress
• who else can be helpful along the journey
• how will setbacks be handled
• what support is available - books, models, mentors, classes, reflection (self or with others)
• how will you celebrate sucesses
• what is in it for both of you - change takes effort, so what is the reward

And, the final ingredient - s/he has you summarize the discussion and next steps. You leave owning the discussion and the next steps. You have commitment and conviction to take action.

Wow. It would be great to hear from you.

Please take a few minutes to share your stories. Think of a time when you grew because of someone's skillful constructive feedback - or when you helped someone else with skillful constructive feedback.

It is always so powerful to hear examples of success in action...