Giving Thanks - WaM - Pay it Forward

What a great time of year...a time to connect or reconnect with family; a time to focus on what we are thankful for; a time to appreciate the help we have received from others in our journey; a time to thank others.

This segues to thoughts of next year - what do we want 2010 to be for us and others? A great time to viualize what our success looks like in action. This is similar to the Word a Month process: seeing the success as if it were in place (present tense); relishing how it feels to have attained this goal (with emotion); actively seeing this goal, not the obstacles (daily affirmation).

I am commited to continuing the Word a Month process - and simply going deeper on my original word. It is still my most important area and my progress has encouraged me to dig a little deeper. I have even seen the negative self talk diminish - it has moved from difficult to moderate.

Starting in December, I will devote blog space to lessons I have learned from my mentors combined with tidbits from intriguing books. Hope to see you then.

'Obstacles are those frightful things we see when we take our eyes off the goal.'

- Hannah Moore

Happy Thanksgiving!

A word a month - CHECK IN

Let's try that post again!!

Since it has been about 15 days since this experiment began, it is time for a check in.

Here is what I have experienced:

EASY - to choose the word
EASY - to write the affirmation in present tense and embellish it in a positive context
MODERATE - to start the day WITH the affirmation
EASY - to recognize the positive impact of focusing on this concept even if missed a day
DIFFICULT - to avoid negative self talk when missed a day, or fell back to the old behavior
EASY - to be grateful for the improvements

And, 'grateful for the improvements' is the best part. Even with the slip ups, I have moved closer toward my desired picture. This topic remains top of mind. And, I notice the difference. How refreshing.

How did it go for you?
What was easy for you? What changes have you seen? Were there any speed bumps (moderate or difficult aspects) for you? Have you added nuances that have worked well for you?

We have 15 more days!

And, then the decision: do we stay with THIS word or consider another? And, even more basic than that, do we stay with this affirmation process?

A word a month - CHECK IN

It has been about 15 days since the experiment began.

How is it working for you?

Here is what I have experienced:

EASY - to select the word

EASY - to write the affirmation

EASY - to think about a positive application

MODERATE - to DO the affirmation each morning

EASY - to recognize

A word a month - an experiment in success

I invite you to try an experiment with me for a month or two.

Research shows that if we want to change behavior, we can. That is a positive beginning. Behavior change research further reveals that if we modify our behavior (change our actions) for at least 21 days we can develop a new habit. That sounds reasonable. And, one month seems do-able.

Currently, there is a lot of press on developing your personal brand. Define what you want to be known for and then act in accordance with those key attributes you have chosen.

Later we can talk about gathering feedback: asking others how they'd describe you - what 3 - 4 key words come to mind. Do their words match your desired brand?

However, for now, select 3 - 4 key words are important features of your brand..

Consider:
When you think about times when you performed at your very best - what attributes or values did you display? Are these a part of your desired brand?

Join me in this test:
My guess-pothesis (obviously, not a scientific undertaking) is that if I select one word to focus on for a month, I will increase my effectiveness. So, please join me in the Word a Month Club.

Here's a plan:
As Stephen Covey would say, "begin with the end in mind". After determining the 3 -4 aspects of your brand, decide

• Which attribute or value intrigues you, contributes to your succes, defines your desired personal brand, resonates for you today. Choose one.
• My chosen word is: _______________ (fill in the blank).

Put the word into a positive context:

• Think about a time when you successfully displayed it. Make it memorable. How did you feel; what were you thinking; how did others respond? See, feel and hear the positives.
• And, describe it forward - what will this attribute contribute to your future. See yourself in a future moment having exhibited the trait flawlessly.

Focus on the word with positive expectancy and appreciative reflection:

• Start each day with an affirmation about this attribute. The affirmation is in the present tense (as if it is already accomplished). Examples:. I am well-organized and complete projects with ease. I am an effective leader and encourage my team to contribute to the success of our department.
• Think about this affirmation at least one time during the day.
• End each day with a grateful heart. This is what I enjoyed (learned, liked, felt) today about focusing on _____________.

And, repeat for 30 days!

Tomorrow, I begin the process with my chosen word -- for one month. Will you join me? Let's see how it goes...

Next week - a progress report...

Getting Ready - now, there's some energy

Cocooning's focus on self-discovery sets the stage for a very fun and active quadrant in the renewal cycle: Getting Ready.

After the reflection and self-assessment time on the right half of the The Cycle of Renewal, people are ready to spring into action. It is a time of exploring, experimenting, investigating! Thinking of the possibilities to put the vision into practice. The vision may be new, revised, improved, deeper, more aligned. It often results from finding some core themes. People may: network more, take classes, change how they describe themselves, ask more questions. It is a time of energy, eagerness, optimism. A time to bring values, dreams, and passions to the fore.

I'm curious if you can look back and see times when you have visited these quadrants? And, if you can recall the positive impact that the more reflective side (Doldrums and Cocooning) had on a decision?

Or do you know someone who has just emerged from reflection and is eager to talk about what's next - with renewed vigor. Perhaps it is doing something s/he has thought about for a v-e-r-y long time. Or, finding a new way to use skills? Or, finding a new job that fits their values, or allows better balance, or includes a change that is so exciting and energizing (and, perhaps a little daunting) that you can see the enthusiasm? It can be a stretch or a nuance.

This elegant model has such a way of describing our growth, change and cycle!

What quadrant best describes you today?

Source of the Cycle of Renewal:The Cycle of Renewal© model that is central to the teaching of the Hudson Institute of Santa Barbara. For more information, see their website: http://www.hudsoninstitute.com/

From the Doldrums to Cocooning - the Cycle Continues

Last time, I talked about two quadrants of the Cycle of Renewal - so it is time to move to the next possible phase, Cocooning.

There are two paths from the Doldrums - where people feel out of sync. For some, they move through this time of loss and are able to gleen enough insights that they can re-design, update their personal strategy; figure out another way forward, recapture the passion and purpose and move back to Go For It - this is described as a Mini-Transition. The person reflects, changes and recharges.

However, in some situations, people continue the inner work begun in the Doldrums and dig deeper into the Cocooning phase. This phase is characterized by self-reflection, re-evaluation - of everything, low energy, a search for meaning, perhaps loneliness, grieving and ultimately healing.

It could be described as a serious case of internal Spring Cleaning. After personal reflection, the person can decide: what to hold on to; what to let go of; what to move toward and how to move forward - applying this new, deeper learning to a new direction.

Cocooning can be a powerful time with a grand pay off: determining or refreshing passion and purpose. And, with that good work, move into the Getting Ready phase. More on that next time...

Job transitions always include at least a trip through the Doldrums. And, for some a time of Cocooning is essential before emerging into the world of possibilities and regaining the excitement of what is next.

For those who are supporting friends or family members who have lost their jobs and are now out there searching for what's next...you can probably recognize these phases.

There isn't a formula for job transitions. There isn't a timeline. And it is not always a straight path.


A freind whose job was eliminated said:

"This job transition wouldn't be so difficult if I just knew what date I'd have a new job. Then I could relax and enjoy the time with my family."

Hmm, that isn't how change works, is it?

What have you seen?
If you have personally experienced , or if you have helped others who are experiencing or have experienced the Doldrums or Cocooning let us know:

What was it like? What helped, hindered?

Source of the Cycle of Renewal:
The Cycle of Renewal© model that is central to the teaching of the Hudson Institute of Santa Barbara. For more information, see their website: http://www.hudsoninstitute.com/

Taking Action in Times of Doubt

Inertia.

I have talked with leaders who have moved into a new, broader role and with people who have lost their jobs and with leaders who have gotten negative reviews and with folks who are struggling through an emotional upheaval. And, I have thought about some of my most difficult times.

Once we have gotten to a better place - we've had success in the new role; we've had some interviews or landed a new job; we've successfullly rebounded from the constructive and sometimes painful feedback; we've navigated through personal loss or upheaval and regained our balance - I often hear people talk about how they experienced a low-activity time. A time when they couldn't act, didn't know what action to take - when they simply were stuck.

And, this reminds me of the Cycle of Renewal© model that is central to the teaching of the Hudson Institute of Santa Barbara. For more information, see their website: http://www.hudsoninstitute.com/

This elegant but not simple model helps describe the inertia that can anyone facing the situations described above. When things are going well - we are hitting on all cylanders - we are in Phase 1 or Go For It.



However, when things take a difficult turn we can move into Phase 2, The Doldrums which is defined as " a down time, a protracted sense of decline, when you're not happy with your life chapter, but you don't think you can do much about it. The Doldrums are meant to serve as a wake-up call, an invitation to restructure or reinvent your life so that it works for you once more."



How can we best react to the doldrums? What are some questions that can help us move, take a step, make a call, reach out, reflect, move on? And, how can we learn from this transition, this ending?

What has helped you through or learn from times of inertia?

• is it finding someone who will listen - just listen, not tell you what to do?
• is it journaling and sorting out your thoughts?
• is it letting go of what was - marking, celebrating, acknowledging the end?
• it is reconnecting to your core values?
• is it unearthing the most important questions to answer?
• isit thinking about how you have faced similar situations?
• is it giving yourself some space?
• is it thinking about what IS working?
• is it learning somehing new?

Many paaths - which one helps you through such times?

Hmm, it starts with me

As I have talked with people whose inner committees are working overtime, a few ideas seem to be repeated and the top rated item is: the reaction starts with us. When the inner committees' chatter nearly drowns out everything else, people report that these tips often work for them:

• creating some distance and some quiet, THEN reflection can begin
• creating space to recognize that these voices aren't necessarily right, they are just loud
• diverting attention to something else - going to a movie, for a walk, to coffee with a friend, to Yoga - allowing a new perspective that the din overshadowed
• disenfranchising the committee - taking back control from this insidious bunch
• creating a new committee - re-reading thank you notes, recognitions, replaying a time when you were at the top of your game
• asking others for ideas, new contacts with whom to network, or simply to find out how they have kept moving forward when things seemed to have stalled
• researching a topic that interests you or benefits a work in progress - this often created forward momentum and unleashes creativity
• listening to favorite tunes, ones that make you smile or dance or sing
• taking a break, giving yourself permission to do whatever it is that rejuvenates you

I am sure there are others! These are just the ones friends and colleagues have found to be powerful, positive and rejuvenating.

Some folks have said the most important thing of all is to be aware of the power we have given the committee. And that awareness allows us to silence them long enough to listen to other perspectives. And that along helps us breaks through the logjam.

Interesting...

What Does It Take To Quell Your Inner Committee?

All of us have self-doubt and times when we question our expertise, abilities and/or ideas. Unfortunately, we get some help with our self-doubt - we have our own, internal saboteurs. Some people call this negative self-talk, others refer to their negative inner committee. By any name, this is the nagging voice that asks deflating questions or makes bold, destructive comments as if they were fact:

• what makes you think you can handle this new assignment
• you could have done that project better...faster
• you never where good at math...or public speaking...or strategy or.....
• why should they listen to you...or follow you...or make this change...or...

When we are at our best, we can quell these comments. We balance the negative with an examination of what we do well, triumphs we have had, postive feedback from others and possibility thinking

• reminding ourselves we like a challenge and that we are adept at figuring things out...or skilled at finding others who have more experience to help us
• analyzing our past work and if we find an aspect that could have been better, we look for ways to learn new skills and take action
• engaging colleagues whose skills complement our development areas...or finding a mentor or coach to help us navigate...or learning more about the area
• recalling a time when we have invigorated others...or successfully implemented change

So, what happens when we aren't at our best? When we are in the doldrums? When our world has been thrown out of balance? When we have been laid off? When we don't think we can...? When the inner committee is working overtime adding more layers to our mounting doubt?

More thoughts to follow, in the meantime -- what has worked for you when times were tough?

Trusted Advisors Abound - Who Do You Turn To???

Who gives you feedback?
Whose feedback do you treasure - or, at least value because you know it is relevant, important and needed for you to grow?

Often leaders list their manager as the initial reaction to the first question, and pause to reflect on the second. Certainly, performance feedback is a manager's responsibility. And, the manager's perspective carries weight given the impact - salary, promotion, project assignment, etc.

However, have you considered who else can give you additional insights? Who sees you in action and knows your impact?
Who shares your vision and has the courage and conviction to help you see what is working well and what could be modified?

Starting with those who share your vision is a great way to encourage balanced feedback. Asking for feedback from their perspective on what is working well - and should be continued; what is not working well - and could be modified or stopped. Then listening all the way through without interruption can lead to valuable insights that you often can't have from where you stand. Asking clarifying questions to ensure that you see what they see? Powerful.

Who could you ask today?

Communication with Conviction

All of us have examples of times when we have received excellent and positive feedback from others. Those are wonderful memories.

However, when we experience truly effective constructive feedback - it can be even more memorable and have substantive impact on our learning and success.

What sets effective constructive feedback apart?

As we discussed last time there is an element of courage involved - where the person has clearly thought it through. S/he has facts; s/he has a position; s/he listens; s/he engages you.

But perhaps the most important ingredient is the person's conviction. S/he is invested in this conversation. S/he has set aside enough time to stay on topic and approaches the meeting as an investment. An investment in your future and your relationship. While the news may not be what you want to hear; it is delivered with compassion and curiosity. There is a genuine interest in discussion, dialogue and a firm commitment to a defined conclusion.

That conclusion has several important ingredients:

• what has occurred
• what needs to occur in the future
• why is this important to both of you and to others - to the organization, peers, customers, etc.
• what will you both agree to do going forward
• what support and direction do you need
• what are the consequences - when sustained change does or does not occur
• what does success look like
• when will we review progress
• who else can be helpful along the journey
• how will setbacks be handled
• what support is available - books, models, mentors, classes, reflection (self or with others)
• how will you celebrate sucesses
• what is in it for both of you - change takes effort, so what is the reward

And, the final ingredient - s/he has you summarize the discussion and next steps. You leave owning the discussion and the next steps. You have commitment and conviction to take action.

Wow. It would be great to hear from you.

Please take a few minutes to share your stories. Think of a time when you grew because of someone's skillful constructive feedback - or when you helped someone else with skillful constructive feedback.

It is always so powerful to hear examples of success in action...

Communication With Courage

Why does communication require courage? Because leaders know that others look to them for direction, for information, for feedback, for candor, for help, for strategy and for support. A tall order.

Merriam-Webster defines courage as the mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear or difficulty.
An even taller order.

An effective leader must operate at many levels and from many perspectives simultaneously. S/he needs to set direction and describe the big picture in enough detail that others can not only see where the organization is going but how they and their work fit into that picture.

S/he also knows the gap between how things are operating now and how they will need to operate in that new desired state. Once the end result is communicated, the focus turns to the gap - what changes are necessary to move successfully toward the goal. And, what does not change.

It takes creativity and strength to paint the picture; it takes perseverence to weather the questions, the covert and overt resistance along the way.

Listening, assessing, analyzing, describing and reframing are critical communication components. Remembering these skills can be challenging anytime and exacerbated in times of change.

Courageous communication - the courage to:

• think it through
• paint the big picture with just enough detail to be inviting
• describe expectations (goals, work, relationships, results, commitments)
• repeat, reinforce and reiterate what, why, when, how, who
• celebrate wins of all sizes
• listen and consider/encourage feedback, questions, challenges, suggestions
• hold self and others accountable

A few ideas on the courage-side of communications.

Next time: Conviction - the belief and confidence side of communication

Communication with Courage and Conviction

What sets great leaders apart? In surveys where employees describe what they value most about their managers, there are common ingredients. Satisfied employees indicate that they:

• know what is expected of them
• know how they are doing
• can talk with their manager
• have a development plan
• feel appreciated
• have an opportunity to use their skills/talents on the job
• know how their job fits in to the organization's strategy

All of these ingredients require that the leader communicate clearly with each team member. And that s/he does so frequently.

To do so requires courage and conviction.

And that is the next installment...stay tuned

Putting the Lessons to Work

Is there a silver lining to the layoffs? Will those rehired take their reflections, ups and downs to their new workplace? Will they apply what they have learned during their search to the new job?

If so, is it reasonable to expect that their co-workers, customers, direct reports, families and managers will benefit from their experience?

During the transition job search, they will have looked at their skills, values and passions. They will have updated and expanded their networks. They will have asked for help in their search. They will have assessed their strengths and written examples of their major successes. They will have uncovered doubt, vulnerability and experienced loss, sadness and question. They will have applied for jobs and heard nothing back. They will have answered a wide variety of interview questions. They will have appeared confident while internally questioning their skills. Along the way, they will have been treated graciously or dismissed. They will have joined job clubs, held networking meetings, reconnected with past colleagues, shared contacts and cheered when others found work.

Much has been written about the deterioration or absence of worker engagement over the past years. Is is possible that this can be changed when those who join new organizations take their lessons learned to the new job and treat their colleagues, team, managers, customers and themselves with heightened care?

This could be the silver lining..

Being Clear with a Dash of Peripheral Vision

This is the year to be clear on what we want. As many people are looking for new jobs, it is important to focus - to describe the desired position, setting, location, culture, etc. - with sufficient detail. And, at the same time not be so restrictive that we screen out something that would be exciting because it doesn't match every aspect. By giving our Reticular Activating System (RAS) a little leeway to see opportunities that may be slightly off dead center we may just see a new opportunity.

Approaching a job search can be difficult and that mindset can permeate how we think about every aspect of the process. 'Whew, this is going to be hard.' 'There isn't anything out there for me.' 'I'm not good at networking!'

Perhaps if we shift our perspective slightly, we can approach it as an important new chapter. And, by doing so we can open up and lighten up. This small shift may allow us the freedom to see some new avenues - to ask our RAS to keep the bull's eye in mind while seeing more. And as our energy shifts to possibility, we may find more options and bring more of our potential to the process.